Saturday, March 05, 2005

Steve Fossett"s Latest Joyride

Congratulations to Steve Fossett with his round-the-world joyride flight. Thanks to technology, he had an easier time than Charles Lindbergh. Why? Lindbergh had no auto-pilot to do the "driving" like when Fossett got sleepy! Also, even without an autopilot, Lindbergh did his flight before the invention of methamphetamine. Nowadays, you can go to any rural area and get all the meth you want! The autopilot means that meth was NOT needed.

The plane he used is a real gem, being a Burt Rutan invention. It looks like a cross between two Schweitzer gliders and a Heinkel 162 Volksjager. Everyone who plays Flight Sim will know what a Schweitzer glider is, as it's one of the featured aircraft representations, but not the He-162 VJ.

What does this round-the-world joyride prove? It proves that if you have a planeload of money, you can engage in conspicuous consumption in the grand style. Lindbergh had to "drive" the WHOLE 33 hours to fly scross the Atlantic - without meth. Unless you are a world-class insomniac, that's a decent achievement. Armed with an autopilot, Fossett could sleep at least a little, thus making meth (or any "go pill") unnecessary.

Here's a fun challenge for our intrepid rich fuck: Drive around the world on a FORKLIFT. It will be a lot slower mission, but it would be more impressive, surely for the blue-collar types, than his blowing a pallet of money on a custom jet. Let's see how far he gets on a forklift carrying a pallet of money.

I'm much more impressed by Burt Rutan for having invented the custom jet used by Fossett. The plane would be pretty handy for long-range flights, like to and from Sydney on one load of fuel. Stop off in Venezuela both ways to get your fuel cheap. In Venezuela, gasoline and diesel costs 17 cents a gallon. Fill 'er up with a 50/50 mix. The military could use it as spy plane. The famous U-2 looks similar, but comes in Stealth Aircraft Black. Fossett could recoup the costs by selling the plane to North Korea, where Kim Jung Il could use it as a cruise missile by placing some briefcase nukes in the cockpit after adding an old PC and GPS gizmo to fly it. Just have someone in Bangalore write the software. A nuke delivery plane needs only go HALF WAY around the world to bring ANYWHERE into range as a target. More range means only that you can programme it to fly around other opponent countries toward the target city. Gee, thanks a lot for adding yet another enabler for fuckheads. Even without a nuke, adding fertiliser to some of the tanks can still knock down a building.

If I was ridiculously rich like a Bill Gates or Donald Trump, I'd buy myself a copy of the Global Flyer but name it the Joyrider - and use it as a method of very long range commuting, like to and from Europe and Australia, just to go and party it up at the destination. Go to Nice France for Mardi Gras, or to Benidorm Spain in the summer. In the winter, maybe go to Melbourne Australia just becuse I can. Then, stop off in Sydney to drink up in King's Cross. Then go to Moscow to pick up some bottles of Stoli on my way back. I guess I'd get Burt Rutan to make a few small improvements just to improve fuel economy (the original gets 6mpg) and add luxury avionics like the Lear Jet's dash. If you're going to waste money on a global joyriding plane, you may as well do it right. Don't forget an XM radio receiver for the tunes in your ride!

Sure must be nice to be so rich that when you get bored, you can order up a custom plane like a pizza, then use it for a completely pointless waste of diesel/gasoline like a joyride around the world. Sheesh.

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